January 2009
78 posts
Plans for the year 2009
1. quit smoking
2. figure out how to love
3. quit drinking
4. read more and more and more
5. try to control my anxiety better
6. attend more than 12 services at the Monks Monestary
7. continue to try and become a gentleman
8. find more new wave and metal i love
9. try to be more open hearted and focus less on myself than i already do
10. find a happiness with myself
December 2008
41 posts
I Hate New Years
except for new years resolutions.
i think those are good.
setting goals for self betterment is always a good idea.
but the whole just a holiday used to get fucked up,
just seems dumb, yet so well accepted.
so i am sorry to those who don’t get fucked up.
i hope the new year treats you well,
and tonight is just another night.
love, kindness, respect.
Z
A day
i had a day today. work went pretty smooth, and i got out a little early. i then decided to head to Boarders with some money i recieved for christmas and made some pretty good purchases, i think.
Joy Division - Let the movie begin
Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation [since i had missplaced mine]
Old Boy - badass Korean movie
i listened to the whole Joy Division album its...
things i am grateful for this year:
1. Metallica’s return to badass form Death Magnetic
2. my friends
3. my new shitty appartment
4. Funeral of the Hear - Leah Hayes
5. Daydream Nation - Sonic Youth [over&over]
6. finally accepting the end
7. Still Here - Ram Dass
8. The Dark Knight
9. my family
10. finding someone who i am confortable being
No Names
christmas come,
christmas gone.
so sad, no names
so strange,
the year didnt seem so long
the sun still shines,
the world still spins
the colors may fade,
from time to time.
i had a use for that name,
but left the meaning to die.
no reason to stay
in memories of shades of grey.
lay it to rest
remember the best
everything will follow
to a place with no names
where i’m not...
“this night has opened my eyes,
and i will never sleep again…”
– Steven Patrick Morrissey.
THE SMITHS & SONIC YOUTH
omfg how i love you so.
Who ever knows?
i constantly have changing moods. i am not bi polar, for awhile i thought maybe i was. i AM a bit of a hypochondiact, and a little paranoid about getting sick. but the fact is, i think everyone is like that. i think everyone has days where they will have 11ty different moods. maybe its just a part of growing up, or maybe its just a part of life. i dont know if that will ever go away, and the truth...
self
sometimes, but only sometimes
it all feels like a movie
but not mine, someone else has done the writing
and i am not the actor.
almost as though i cannot change the script,
but i’m okay, i can see through that thick fog
the darkness that encases everything,
i will be the light.
i will be my own light.
i’m not very good at believeing in myself, but i’m trying.
lost a lover, regained a bestfriend
and thats okay.
happy
my grandpa came home from the hospital today. so happy, he is after-all one of the greatest men i have known. he does have a lot of different medications to take, i guess thats okay.
its a good day. i feel alive, really alive. my dad is listening to U2 right now in the kitchen and its making me nuts. i never got into them, and Bono really just annoys me. but other than that i am so happy, just...
Grandpa.
my grandfather is in the hospital. come christmas time, your cruel hand. he has pneumonia, which is what took my Grandma Jane from me. i’m not scared. i am trying not to be scared. Jane got sick the same time, two weeks before Christmas, and ended up passing Christmas eve. life is cruel, but you have to invited everything with open eyes and hearts. he is the sweetest man ever, i was...
im sorry, for how i am.
okay, so i’ll start with an apology. i have a terrible problem with over reacting. i think too much, i am trying to get out of my clinging to the past. often times, waking up in the middle of the night from some terrible dream and i will have nothing to do but lay awake until work. i don’t sleep well anymore, so i guess that doesnt help. but i guess when it comes down to it, i make...
killingmyselfintheface.
fuck it. i’m broke. not in the sense that i have no money (i dont) but i am just broken. wasted a whole night writing a letter that will never be sent, never should be sent, that i am going to fucking burn and piss on its ashes. i am a fuckkkkkasfkdjsakdjnvkjn.. so angry, and sad with myself that i want to puke. i have listened to bob mould’s district line album like 25 times in the...
“i excel at quitting early, and fucking up my life”
sad life
cant sleep cant eat cant dream sad songs sad movies sad life cant breathe cant love cant see (you) sad songs sad movies sad life dont die dont quit dont try sad songs sad movies sad life twenty smokes one meal 2 books sad songs sad movies sad life sad songs sad movies sad life sad life sad life sad life
sad life sad life sad life sad life sad life sad life